Okay, I'm starting a list of everything that's been wrong or broken around the house for the last several weeks or months. (Followed by a few miraculous triumphs!)
1) Stupid air conditioner
For weeks I couldn't control the temperature. The control knob seemed to be out of touch with reality.
Day after day the intricate control mechanism inside -- I envisioned something like a 17-jewel Swiss clock -- got worse and worse, just flopping around, slipping and sliding. Then it got so sloppy I couldn't turn the damn thing on or off. It seemed to be too loose, as if something inside had disintegrated.
My solution was to find a setting - after much manipulation - that seemed to work. Then I left the controls alone. When I wanted to run it I just plugged it in or unplugged it as needed. Not daring to mess around with the 17-jewel control system inside, you see, for fear it would become inoperable forever.
But then I made a fatal mistake. I decided to try once more to see if by using my mental powers I could somehow make that knob catch hold in there and go click or something and then it would work just fine.
Nope. When I turned the knob this time the game was up. It just spun around and nothing happened.
A new AC (500 bucks) seemed to be the only answer.
Then I noticed that the knob itself was loose. I pulled on it and it popped out in my hand. What do you know? The bejeweled mechanism inside was nothing more than a cheap plastic thingee with a slot on the end. The plastic was broken.
I took a small pair of low-tech pliers, poked the jaws in there, grabbed something that looked like it might do something, and turned it around. Zoom, whir whir. The cold air poured out. Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair!
I went down and bought a new knob. A buck ninety-eight.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Friday, September 5, 2008
HOW TO MAKE A STOCK POT IN THE BRITISH ARMY
A famous practical joke among chefs is to tell a young cook to make her soups and gravies out of "pipe stock."
She's heard about stock and knows that no decent culinary artistry can be accomplished without a stock pot। But she’s never heard of pipe stock.
While all the cooks, bakers and even the dishwashers are chuckling behind their hands she runs around the kitchen looking for a can of pipe stock, can't find any and is afraid to ask।
What is pipe stock? Well, it is the liquid that comes out when you turn on the faucet। In other words, it is plain water. Pipe stock is used by madmen, assassins and others whose ambition is to destroy civilization.
Let me tell you how I found out about stock pots. In 1951 as a young army private just out of cook school, I was assigned to work at the Officers Club at the Presidio in San Francisco. Army cooks would kill to get a cushy post like this. I fell into the job by accident. The joke was I didn't know how to cook beans, or anything else.
All I knew was how to keep a mess hall clean, which was the main subject hammered into the minds of young cooks at the 6th Army Cooks & Bakers School।
We were taught how to avoid poisoning the troops, that is, how to keep grease and flies out of the food.
To be sure we understood the importance of this subject, we were shown frightening movies about the horrors of disease caused by flies and how the trots had put an entire British Regiment out of action at Waterloo.
How we got a movie on the British Black Watch laid up with the trots I don't know
It was frightening to hear the announcer -- in a cultivated British accent, no less -- tell us in sickening detail how one cook's disregard of flies and grease nearly resulted in a disaster of massive proportions।
अ
Apparently the British troops got horribly, horribly sick at the battle of Waterloo -- the Brits always get more horribly sick than the soldiers of other nations -- and they nearly got wiped out by Napoleon or somebody। The Frenchies didn't have the trots so they weren't constantly leaving their guns unattended while they hastened to the latrine.
The point I started to make here, before I went off on a tangent about the British Black Watch, is that the Army did not teach me how to cook। The most glaring omission in my training was the subject of STOCK POTS। The Army did not even teach me what a stock pot was, let alone how to make one.
FOUND MY STOCK POT IN SAN FRANCISCO
My introduction to the stock pot begins in San Francisco at the Presidio army base। How I ended up at in San Francisco is a story in itself. You see, our entire company was about to be shipped off to a post in the middle of the Arizona desert, a terrible outpost manned by doomed devils a hundred miles distant from the nearest town. A fate worse than death for a bunch of boulevardiers like us.
Then in a terrific stroke of luck just before we were to be shipped out of our highly desired post, the sergeant asked if there was anyone in the company who had prior civilian experience in restaurants.
Well, since I didn't want to be posted out in the wilderness and since I had once worked as a busboy at Wilson's Little Cafeteria in Palo Alto, California I immediately put up my hand। Oh yes, I was well experienced.
"Okay, private," said the sergeant, "you're gonna stay here in San Francisco and go to work at the Officers Club। You'll have private quarters and work a five-day week with weekends off. Besides that, you'll get separate rations and extra money. The rest of you slow-witted sad sacks are going to Fort Wauchuka. That's out in the desert. Nothing but rocks and gila monsters. No weekends off, either. You'll love it."
My first morning on the job at the O Club I arrived early and began investigating the stove, trying to figure out how to turn on the fires under the grill। It was a mystery.
The Filipino waiter stood there watching me। He shook his head and said, "Oh, you need training!" How right he was.
You get the idea? I knew
Later that morning chef Jimmy Yolef arrived and went to work। I watched him closely to see if I could learn anything.
The first thing I found out was that he had a big STOCK POT। But that was all he allowed me to learn by watching him work. He stood very close to the stove while he worked, spreading his arms and elbows so that I couldn't see what he was doing.
I was practically hopping up and down trying to see over his shoulders and under his elbows to see if I could learn something। It was hopeless. "Why should I teach you anything?" he told me. "You'll be gone in a year and I'll still be here."
Taking care of business!
It was absolutely amazing to me how with a few swift motions while banging pots around Jimmy could suddenly produce gravies and soups and stews। Today I know it was because he took care of his stock pot and knew how to use it.
To make your own stock for soups and gravies, here's what you do:
Take your biggest soup pot and put in a couple soup bones, some chopped celery, carrots and onions, a bay leaf or two, and maybe a couple garlic cloves।
Next fill the pot with cold water and bring it to a simmer without boiling। Let it simmer for five hours or so -- overnight is better -- until the savory flavor of the bones is released and the tough connective tissue of the bones becomes very tender, like jelly.
During the simmering process
Occasionally skim off the fat and albumen that rise to the surface। When the volume of liquid reduces from evaporation, pour in a little cold water to return the liquid to its original level.
By the way if you have a roast chicken carcass handy, don’t be afraid to toss that in। Super!
Next morning when the stock pot is ready, strain the liquid into another pot and skim off the fat। Throw away the bones and vegetables.
If you have done your job right -- never allowing your stock pot to boil hard -- the stock should be a semi-clear liquid, a light amber color।
During your workday, leave the stock on the stove over a very low fire so that it is available to make tasty stews, gravies and soups।
Meanwhile during your workday, if you collect some meat scraps and perhaps the drippings from a roast or two, be sure to add those excellent flavorings to the stock pot।
And of course (ha ha) remember to stand close to the stove with your shoulders hunched and your elbows poked out so the troops can't see what you're doing। That’s a joke, son.
Dem bones, dem bones!
By the way, knowledgeable cooks scrape the beef marrow out of the cooked beef bones and spread that delicacy on toast with a little salt for a delightful snack।
The jellied tendons are tasty too. Just use your fingers. ##
Chef Vince
She's heard about stock and knows that no decent culinary artistry can be accomplished without a stock pot। But she’s never heard of pipe stock.
While all the cooks, bakers and even the dishwashers are chuckling behind their hands she runs around the kitchen looking for a can of pipe stock, can't find any and is afraid to ask।
What is pipe stock? Well, it is the liquid that comes out when you turn on the faucet। In other words, it is plain water. Pipe stock is used by madmen, assassins and others whose ambition is to destroy civilization.
Let me tell you how I found out about stock pots. In 1951 as a young army private just out of cook school, I was assigned to work at the Officers Club at the Presidio in San Francisco. Army cooks would kill to get a cushy post like this. I fell into the job by accident. The joke was I didn't know how to cook beans, or anything else.
All I knew was how to keep a mess hall clean, which was the main subject hammered into the minds of young cooks at the 6th Army Cooks & Bakers School।
We were taught how to avoid poisoning the troops, that is, how to keep grease and flies out of the food.
To be sure we understood the importance of this subject, we were shown frightening movies about the horrors of disease caused by flies and how the trots had put an entire British Regiment out of action at Waterloo.
How we got a movie on the British Black Watch laid up with the trots I don't know
It was frightening to hear the announcer -- in a cultivated British accent, no less -- tell us in sickening detail how one cook's disregard of flies and grease nearly resulted in a disaster of massive proportions।
अ
Apparently the British troops got horribly, horribly sick at the battle of Waterloo -- the Brits always get more horribly sick than the soldiers of other nations -- and they nearly got wiped out by Napoleon or somebody। The Frenchies didn't have the trots so they weren't constantly leaving their guns unattended while they hastened to the latrine.
The point I started to make here, before I went off on a tangent about the British Black Watch, is that the Army did not teach me how to cook। The most glaring omission in my training was the subject of STOCK POTS। The Army did not even teach me what a stock pot was, let alone how to make one.
FOUND MY STOCK POT IN SAN FRANCISCO
My introduction to the stock pot begins in San Francisco at the Presidio army base। How I ended up at in San Francisco is a story in itself. You see, our entire company was about to be shipped off to a post in the middle of the Arizona desert, a terrible outpost manned by doomed devils a hundred miles distant from the nearest town. A fate worse than death for a bunch of boulevardiers like us.
Then in a terrific stroke of luck just before we were to be shipped out of our highly desired post, the sergeant asked if there was anyone in the company who had prior civilian experience in restaurants.
Well, since I didn't want to be posted out in the wilderness and since I had once worked as a busboy at Wilson's Little Cafeteria in Palo Alto, California I immediately put up my hand। Oh yes, I was well experienced.
"Okay, private," said the sergeant, "you're gonna stay here in San Francisco and go to work at the Officers Club। You'll have private quarters and work a five-day week with weekends off. Besides that, you'll get separate rations and extra money. The rest of you slow-witted sad sacks are going to Fort Wauchuka. That's out in the desert. Nothing but rocks and gila monsters. No weekends off, either. You'll love it."
My first morning on the job at the O Club I arrived early and began investigating the stove, trying to figure out how to turn on the fires under the grill। It was a mystery.
The Filipino waiter stood there watching me। He shook his head and said, "Oh, you need training!" How right he was.
You get the idea? I knew
Later that morning chef Jimmy Yolef arrived and went to work। I watched him closely to see if I could learn anything.
The first thing I found out was that he had a big STOCK POT। But that was all he allowed me to learn by watching him work. He stood very close to the stove while he worked, spreading his arms and elbows so that I couldn't see what he was doing.
I was practically hopping up and down trying to see over his shoulders and under his elbows to see if I could learn something। It was hopeless. "Why should I teach you anything?" he told me. "You'll be gone in a year and I'll still be here."
Taking care of business!
It was absolutely amazing to me how with a few swift motions while banging pots around Jimmy could suddenly produce gravies and soups and stews। Today I know it was because he took care of his stock pot and knew how to use it.
To make your own stock for soups and gravies, here's what you do:
Take your biggest soup pot and put in a couple soup bones, some chopped celery, carrots and onions, a bay leaf or two, and maybe a couple garlic cloves।
Next fill the pot with cold water and bring it to a simmer without boiling। Let it simmer for five hours or so -- overnight is better -- until the savory flavor of the bones is released and the tough connective tissue of the bones becomes very tender, like jelly.
During the simmering process
Occasionally skim off the fat and albumen that rise to the surface। When the volume of liquid reduces from evaporation, pour in a little cold water to return the liquid to its original level.
By the way if you have a roast chicken carcass handy, don’t be afraid to toss that in। Super!
Next morning when the stock pot is ready, strain the liquid into another pot and skim off the fat। Throw away the bones and vegetables.
If you have done your job right -- never allowing your stock pot to boil hard -- the stock should be a semi-clear liquid, a light amber color।
During your workday, leave the stock on the stove over a very low fire so that it is available to make tasty stews, gravies and soups।
Meanwhile during your workday, if you collect some meat scraps and perhaps the drippings from a roast or two, be sure to add those excellent flavorings to the stock pot।
And of course (ha ha) remember to stand close to the stove with your shoulders hunched and your elbows poked out so the troops can't see what you're doing। That’s a joke, son.
Dem bones, dem bones!
By the way, knowledgeable cooks scrape the beef marrow out of the cooked beef bones and spread that delicacy on toast with a little salt for a delightful snack।
The jellied tendons are tasty too. Just use your fingers. ##
Chef Vince
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